Questions...

     As he always says it’s a heart issue, but what if my heart is telling me something else, that I should learn about the home team first before joining the other side? I truly am inspired by these individuals, bilib talaga ako with the changes that Christ has helped make in their lives. I even ask myself if I’m just doing this because of the opportunity to break the clique boundaries, but if ganun lang, why am I asking deeper questions, and why do I want to learn more? I had a conversation with a good friend from Singles for Christ, and she cleared a lot of things, but a lot of questions remain. Whatever it is, I know that I am in this conundrum for a reason, and that it has been good… because it has cajoled me into reassessing my faith. I really wish to blur the lines between the catholic and the born-again, because essentially they preach the same Christian message. Is it the lukewarmness/parochiality of my church that is turning me off and making me open to other things? Isn’t that a shallow excuse? And if so shouldn’t I find opportunities to sate my hunger for answers within the context of my own church first?

 

     I know it’s not just the clique, in fact, I am willing to dislodge myself from the connection to these really inspiring people in order to explore and find out for myself. I don’t want it to be lip-service…

 

     In the mean time, I’m open to what’s being discussed in the cell meetings mainly because I get insights on scripture, which I otherwise wouldn’t find for myself. And as long as its about common, relevant lessons… not the hellfire and brimstone kind… I’m willing to listen.

 

     Ahhh…. Lord, pasensya ka na talaga sa akin, you made me this way. Sometimes I feel I’m too entrenched in the worldliness of the profession that I took.