Walking the Talk

Past 22 Months In Summary:

Lived independently
Spent countless hours on or waiting for public transport
Met new people
Built new friendships - Normanton Hometeam and SG Crew... repruhzent!
Did the readings
Did the projects
Walked the sites
Stood up for critiques
Walked some more
Prayed hard
Learned what it is to be a Filipino
Worked till drooling on the notebook PC...
and then waking only to write a post-it asking for Mac to wake me in the morning
Scrimped on the puny stipend
Overdosed on MSG
Walked some more...
Went postmodern caveman on sundays...
Learned to trust at work
Became less overbearing
Humored myself
Expanded my horizons - and my waistline
Learned to wash whites and colors separately... laundry discrimination
Ironed
Walked some more
Ironed again
Learned to shop... for clothes, for groceries, for friends and family.
Learned to cook... still learning... microwave and all...
Ironed again... learned not to use the high setting on polyester
Went home for Christmas break - felt like crap for having to leave
Overloaded my electives... and get punished for it...
Single-handedly present, defend and get hammered by a panel...
on 4 hours of sleep in 48 hours
Faced the prospect of being stipend-less and jobless by applying for work while studying
Wrote fancy resume/cvs only to have them backfire...
Forget that I have class on monday mornings... and interview on monday mornings anyway
Dissertated... :P
Joined my best bud @ P&T
Did the upstream Salmon rush-hour walk... fought the current and almost ran over helpless bystanders heading to Raffles Place
Soaked in the energy in Singapore's Financial Center... now I know what fastlane means...
Got an underused industrial-strength gym membership - thinking I'd be in that job for the next 18 months...
Graduated... Got the Degree...and kicked ass!
Worked for a workaholic, rapid-talking, kick-ass boss - who I still respect for being gracious to and being a mentor/friend to me despite whatever went down during the succeeding transition.
Did 50million iterations on a condo plan
Mastered the GFA Table- Baywindows till kingdom come
Learned the Singaporean vocabulary of design... pop-outs, slot-ins, clip-ons, ad infinitum
Worked countless hours on a pimpled building... leaving only @ 4am to go home, get some sleep and take a shower to get back to work ... only to have the project go KIV. (Killed-in-vitro)
Bought Coffee... este Kopi-C
Walked some more
Wore my Polo Barongs to work... trying to show the barangay of Pinoy staff that I'm not there to antagonize them... that I'm one of them... and that we're all in the same boat...
Wore my Polo Barongs to work... stood in the middle of Raffles Place... not afraid/ashamed to show people that yes... I'm Pinoy... and we're all running the same race as the locals... kaya natin makipagsabayan sa kanila.
Learned to drink... and then learned that I'm allergic to anything stronger than an IPA.
Maxed out the club freebies... MOS, St James, etc. - walang sinabi sa AmexcoPlatinum
Witnessed Long Distance Relationships take shape, climax and meltdown... learned too
Learned Singlish... Wa Lau Eh! Trying to unlearn it.
Got the fancy shiny Identity Card - salbabida kung sakaling manalo si Pacquiao as President
Get frustrated over brewing incompetencies at work... and pull the trigger on a resignation... Get a new job... manuevered my way to a seamless transition... just before the crisis hit.
Spent 2 weeks recovering from the first job's unforgiving pace... went out for dinner at Marche... met a visitor from Manila... spent countless hours in a little box with scrolling text
Started the new job... graduated from CAD Monkey to Paper Jockey to Powerpoint Monkey
Became plugged into the little red dot's matrix - paid CPF
Walked from Kent Ridge to Vivo City... took the bus back...
Heartland shock! from Raffles Place to sleepy Bukit Merah with all the uncles, aunties and ah bengs sipping their kopi in the morning.
Heartbroken to find out that YM is blocked at work...
spent even more hours YMing... left with 4 hours of sleep... but still going to work with that empowering feeling... looking forward for the next <buzz>, :D and <crickets>
Evolved from man to elephant to Godknowswhat :D
Became an asawa sa saudi
part-timed as family photographer on christmas eve
Went to mass, ate ourselves silly and then visited the lady of peace...
displaced a lot more polar bears traveling between Sing and Manila on an almost monthly basis...
Became a polar bear
Got a polar bear
Kept walking
Walked to West Coast Park... till my legs went floppy...
Became suki ng Singtel hot128 and HiCard Top-ups...
Asked Oliver to redeem all the free pepsi that the top-ups came with... katas ng LDR
Became witness to the blossoming of a short-distance relationship :P tipong 3 hakbang lang
Sunday dinners became the highlight of my trips home
Became unofficial agent for the Singapore Tourism Board... with family and Patring visiting several times
Traded Phuket and Bali backpacking with the flatmates for several flights home and business trips ad nauseum
Saw Brunei... had Chickenjoy there...
Visited Kampung Ayer, the 2 Main Mosques, saw downtown - all in 2 hours.
Saw Hanoi... got lost in translation... and only really care about wireless internet in my room
Sleptwalk through countless revisions @ work... only really caring about what's happening back home.
Spent countless hours planning for trips home... purchasing tickets by bulk...
Naging suki ng Muji at Ikea
Nakipagpatayan sa IT Show
Diminishing returns started to mount... Life in SG started becoming an out-of-body experience... existing in suspended animation till the next visit home.
God speaking in whispers... answering prayers...
Family responsibilities beckon
Opportunities aligned... as if a succession plan is in place...
Time to restart a life put on hold...
Time to step up to the plate and walk all the nationalistic talk...
Time to place my bets and earn my stake...
To be given a chance back home, to make it work and to succeed.
Yes... there is a Filipino Dream!

I'M COMING HOME! :D


Bakbakan na!     \m/    

Stuck on the taxiway...

Well as Mick Jagger says...

You can't always get what you want;

But maybe you just might find;

You get what you need.



True indeed.

But everything happens for a reason;

and in the grand scheme of things

I'm sure it all fits together.



It can be very humbling when you

end up making decisions based on

incomplete and flawed assumptions

and great expectations.



Kung ano lang yung tama,

kung ano yung dapat;

at kung ano lang yung nasa plano.

Yun lang din ang mangyayari.

Prisoner's Dilemma, Zero-Sum Games and the Nash Equilibrium

I'm no economist, but being someone who tries to keep abreast with things, I read up a lot, with economics, business and capitalism being some of them.

One of my favorite topics under those 3 main subjects is the idea of zero-sum games, wherein there can only be one winner in a situational "game" among 2 or more participants. Because these situations put human behavior in a purely "selfish" and capitalist setting, its interesting how people behave under these static conditions.

But the truth is, the real world is not a zero-sum game, our everyday lives encapsulate so many trade situations wherein people, all take part in varying degrees of trade and exchange. Its interesting to note that despite a lot of altruism and group-think that litters our consciousness, we still act and behave in our self-interest. At the end of the day, self preservation and genetic continuation are still the rules in the game of life.

But the beauty of this is that self-interests can also work for the benefit of the group, and that oftentimes, in life and in trade/business, its not this-or-that, but this-and-that, meaning, we all win or we all lose. This has been proven by John Nash (yes, the role played by Russel Crowe in A Beautiful Mind, and yes, the Nobel Prize winning mathematician, and yes... the schizo) that the point wherein a competitive system achieves balance and a win-win situation for all its participants can be determined through quantitative means and is called the Nash Equilibrium.

So anyway, where does this take me? Game theorists and economists have a favorite situation called the Prisoner's Dilemma, wherein 2 cellmates are given the opportunity to decrease their sentences by squealing on his cellmate's other crimes. Now, if both stay silent, they maintain the status quo. But since people act in their self-interest, both will try to squeal on the other, and try to do it earlier than the other cellmate.

Mathematically, the Nash Equilibrium for this situation is achieved when both squeal on each other at the same time. Where does this lead to then? Well the defined variables are limited, but chances are it will lead to both of them getting their sentences extended, or both of them maintaining the status quo. But at the end of the day, it just shows that given they both have other crimes unconfessed, all is fair in love and in war, and yes, in prison.

From a purely worldly standpoint... Quits lang... walang santo/altruist at lahat tayo nandito sa mundo at ang laro nating lahat ay para sa sarili natin. Iba-iba lang ang standard natin ng victory and definitions of preservation/genetic continuation. Some see money and material wealth as their currency for preservation, while others see favors and kind acts as their instruments to salvation.

The irony of it is that kind acts and altruism cannot be quantified and put in an equation. If you try to establish an equilibrium by repaying these acts, or for exacting a repayment for your kind acts, society and our morality labels you as garapal.

Which is why (pardon the subtle racism and ethnic bias) I see Chinamen, or better yet, Businessmen/Capitalists (who operate in the freemarket) as the most  moral and just people in the world. At least they give you the chance to get to a win-win settlement by providing room for payment for goods and services. They do not act as altruists and plant seeds of utang-na-loob with which you as the beneficiary cannot repay them for. There is no such thing as a human altruist, because everyone acts in his own self-interest

And which is why Jesus Christ could be classified as the only and ultimate altruist. He repaid our debts without asking for repayment, in fact he repaid our debts in order to save us. The summation of all our offerings, faith and good works wouldn't even amount to His ultimate act, that of self-sacrifice. That is why I know he is God, because a man or a woman cannot fathom/think of self-sacrifice unless it is in his or her own interest!