Overwhelmed

Madaling araw na, at eto pa ako... gising at nagbabasa. I am overwhelmed by the sheer rush of eloquence, emotion, passion, depth, love, angst, pain, insecurity and mysterious 3rd-person descriptions of what are obviously self depictions and re-enactments of things I have totally no connection to.

Wala naman talaga akong dapat pakialam; dahil ako'y hindi naman talaga dapat nakikialam... but I have no idea why I am drawn into this storyline. Ako'y nalilito... sa dami nang iniisip at dinadamdam - mataimtim na kausap ang sarili at hindi makapaniwala, na bagaman ako'y bumitaw na sa posibilidad na makakilala ako ng tao na ganito; eto ako - staring at someone who is so full of zeal for discovering who she really is; (ayun... babae pala ang bumabagabag kay pox) expressing an unrivaled sense of self-mastery and self-introspection - while at the same time being so unselfish and giving of herself to others.

As an introvert myself, I have long grappled with my own internal struggles - trying to find out who I am and balance my existence; not because I am wounded (everyone is) but because I know I could not turn around and accomplish my outward goals, without solidifying who I am and balancing myself out. Indeed, to know thyself is the most empowering feeling; because it drives and enables you to go beyond who you are - it establishes the baselines which begin to define our lives - and allows us to realise our promise - as agents of change and as men for others.

I do not know what to make of all these thoughts. Depth is in short supply at 1 am in the morning. I just know I may have stumbled into an important realisation that is yet to coalesce and form into something concrete.

Then again... this could just be driven by hormonal, and less intellectual infatuation/attraction - destined to evaporate in due time.

I hope not. Sayang naman diba.