Dampen my Enthusiasm...

    One of my major strengths/flaws is the fact that I
expect so much of myself. Although, I've never really let myself down
with my expectations, and during the few times I've done so, I've
managed to use the setback as a means to bounce back. But the problem
begins whenever I start projecting my expectations to others.



    I guess, being a obsessive-compulsive perfectionist
means that I expect more from people. And as much as I would try to
bring my 50% (or whatever fraction/percentage of the whole) onto the
table, the remainder is still brought and controlled by
whoever/whatever parties are involved. And of course, it rarely happens
that the sum of the parts forms 100%. This has been the summary of my
social life (including work relationships, love life, friends, family
life, etc.) thus far. Although I wouldn't claim to be holy because I've
done my share of half-assing my part too, and I have let people down
before. It just sucks to get let down.



    Maybe because I see so much in people. I'd like to
think that its instinctive in me that whenever I see a person, I try to
imagine the best that that person could be. And I try to bring that
out. Not everyone understands that, and a lot of people, would be just
really happy maintaining their status-quo.



    I know that great expectations are the core of
greater possibilities/accomplishments, and greater frustrations.



    I guess I'll have to manage my enthusiasm and
expectations. Change and improve what I can, for the things that I
can't... well si Lord na bahala dun.

DLSZ Survey

Anong batch mo?

Batch 2000.



Sinong principal inabutan mo?

si Lozada Nagbibigay ka ba sa mission collection lagi? kuripot ako eh. Napatawag ka na ba ng principal? haha daming beses na. Sa aling school program ka pinakanatuwa? Sa mga musicals... playing in the orchestra was great. Yes I was and still am a band geek. Ano nilaruan mo sa intrams? Dahil iilan lang kaming semi-athletic sa horrors este honors section... basketball (walang sub) volleyball (kasama girls) chess (na hindi touch move)  tug-of-war... Nakakain ka ba kina Mr. Teo? Sino namang hindi diba? Isa nang institusyon ang tindahan ni Mr. Teo. Naging prayer/Lupang Hinirang/Panatang Makabayan ka ba sa monthly assembly sa auditorium? Hahaha... Keo and Pox: going up the stair to the bleachers... ang init pare dito nalang tayo sa may fan. Ms Boyles: I really wonder what those 2 young men are doing at the bleachers. Keo and Pox: hala! tayo ata yun ah. Yup I can proudly say na I was a boyscout back in dlsz, so we got to do the flag raising gig. May memories ka ba sa gate 3? Naku ang dami. Mas lalo nung dumalas yung pagsabay ko sa second trip ng school bus. I was able to hang-out and play basketball dun sa Narra Park. Gate 3 din ang venue ng aking mga girl frustrations. Eh sa library? The library was my escape from people, problems, etc. I still find solace in books and it has helped nourish my love of knowledge. Nothing beats the countless hours I've spent hanging out and talking with friends, reading about football, about architecture, science, etc. Anong year ka nasama sa top ten? haha... uh... grade 2? hindi... seriously... within the top 40 consistent naman Ano part mo sa production niyo sa Florante at Laura? Lightsman; switchboard master Nung Noli fest? Padre Damaso El Fili fest? Dakilang extra... the magiting na magsasaka and sacristan slavedriver Pinaka-mabait na teacher? Lahat ng magaling magturo... sina Elloso, Marcelo, Llaguno, Simbahan, etc. etc. etc. Pinaka-masamang teacher? Come to think of it, I really didn't mind if the teacher was a pain in the ass, as long as they could teach... ang mahirap kung hindi niya kabisado yung tinuturo niya. Na-clinic ka ba? Oo suki ako. Ano ang pangalan ng school nurse? malay! Nagka-bagsak na grade ka ba? Academics? hindi pa naman... Conduct... hehehe Oo! Anong paborito mong bilhin sa canteen? Mr. Teo's dumplings, kikiam, quail eggs and gulaman, mozzarella sticks, mr. fried rice, chicken lollipop. Anong ginagawa mo tuwing fair or foundation week? Mangbookfair, kumain, manood ng filmshowing sa av, magpractice para sa band concerts, umiwas sa manghuhuli. Tumatambay ka ba sa parking lot ng gate 5? Layo na nun chong. Favorite tambayan? Canteen. Library. Bandroom. Anong parusa sa inyo pag late kayo? Wala. Ano ang ibig sabihin ng SRCC? Student Representative Coordinating Council Sino president nyo nung 4th year kayo? Si Tim Nag-cutting classes ka na ba? Oo naman. Nagyoyosi ka ba dun sa parking sa gate 5? Don't smoke eh. Kumusta naman yung locker mo sa classroom? ah... inadopt na ng Calauit Island sanctuary... May sarili nang habitat ang animals dun eh. May napanalunan ka bang award? haha marami... both humiliating and honoring Anong inumin ang lagi mong binibili? Gulaman from Mr. Teo. Ano sayo? Black Gulaman po. Ano sayo? Gulaman o Iced Tea? Gulaman Po. Ano kulay? uh... Black Gulaman? Sino class officers nyo nung 4th year? President si Tim, Vice si Justine, Secretary si Ley, Treasurer si Charms May codenames ba kayo sa mga teacher, ano yun? dami... pero the best si Conan the Librarian! Sumali ka ba ng slogan making at poster making para lang ma-excuse sa class? naku... suki section ko diyan... bibo eh. Nakapag-print ka ba kahit minsan sa comp lab? Alam ko bawal eh... tsaka dot-matrix printers pa gamit dun noon. Nanalo ba batch nyo sa cheering competition? Grades 6 and 7.Sophomore and Senior highschool din. Nag YFC ka ba? Nope... unlike yung mga iba diyan... habol lang ang girls! hehehe j/k. Although  SFC na ako ngayon Anong theme ng graduation niyo? Uh... cowboys and indians? hehehe wala naman eh. Final grade sa accounting? naku I forget. Wala namang bumabagsak sa accounting diba? Saan kayo dumederetso after ng exams? Bahay ng may bahay =) or sa Town, o uwi na... olats ako eh. Astig ba ang stay mo sa zobel? Hahahaha... High School Angst aside, oo naman. I did learn not just about academics, but about life and people as well. Except that the lessons only start kicking in when you step out into the real world. Natatandaan mo pa ba Alma Mater nyo? Oo naman... God of all nations, merciful Lord of our... ah este... sa UST pala yun... Hail! Hail! Alma Mater... yep... that's better! One word to describe life in zobel? Sheltered!

Healing

To say that the past 2 months were difficult would probably be a very
big understatement. Of course, my problems pale in comparison to
whatever the world's issues are. And, despite the fact that I've been
busy with work and pressed for results, I've tried to stay the course
and soldier on. But no kidding, its tough. I figure, God's probably
trying to knock a message through my thick skull. Heartache,
loneliness, guilt and just plain creeping, disabling pain.  All
of  which I've had to  fight back with solitary prayer, work,
introspection and the help of  some good friends who've I've never
thought would be able to lighten the load, even a little bit.



I'm definitely not out of the woods yet. Although, I can feel that I've
healed a bit. I just got back from a design camp/team building activity
in Lake Caliraya, twas my first time to visit the place, and I have to
say that it truly is proof that man can be a co-creator with God.
Considering that the whole lake was created as a reservoir for Laguna
and Manila way back in the Marcos regime... its a beautifully preserved
setting! I'm just hoping it stays that way and doesn't get too
commercial like Boracay. Not to mention, the lakeshore would provide a
perfect location/site for a vacation house... although, I don't think
the land around it is for sale.



Loved it, recharged the batteries. Brought the old spring in my step.
Meditated a lot, despite the crazy-slightly juvenile raucous caused by
a few of my eager colleagues. I'm getting that wow Philippines vibe
too... hehehe I'm thinking of tapping my domestic trip pass allocation
for some island hopping... maybe around Cebu.



Photos to follow ;)

A tribute to nice guys (a repost from another page on multiply)

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish
last,that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining
and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very
point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder

to
lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold
open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently
outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the
guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy
their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know
most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys
with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is
in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy
to her theology to her clothing style.



This is for the guys who
escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and
never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who
accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male
population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but
give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a
game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as
boyfriend

material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for
all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and
unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and
unjustly abandoned, this is for you.



This is for that time she
left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her
back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her
boyfriend said to her

over dinner. And even though you thought her
boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok
and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted
the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a
rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most
repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was
immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game

for
two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the
floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after
numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you,
she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the

beer was
awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of
reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just
friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm
body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're

nice like that.



The
nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more
disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they
should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't.
From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from
talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only
conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical,
manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice
guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational,
confusing things such as "oh, he's too nice to date" or "he would be a
good boyfriend but he's not for me" or "he already puts up with so much
from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!" or the most frustrating of
all: "no, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament
the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their
too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men
that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to
fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what
they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with
this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the
nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are
definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize
they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The
tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones
that are single.



So, until those girls are found, I propose a
toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're
sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth
of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department
store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your
propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane,
absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the
faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my
gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and
your well deserved vindication is coming.





This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

Real Life is definitely stranger than fiction

I've read quite a lot of novels and books over the years... and one
thing I notice with all of these books is that authors really don't
seem to get it. In their quest to come up with a coherent storyline,
they miss one particular truth about people... we are never as
clear cut as they would portray their bidas and villains to be.



Everyone is a protagonist and an antagonist in their own right... with
their own struggle... their own story... their own context... their own
cross... their own victories and joyful moments.

Focus

All a gun does is focus an explosion in one direction.  You have a
class of young strong men and women, and they want to give their lives
to something.  Advertising has these people chasing cars and clothes
they don't need.  Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just
so they can buy what they don't really need.  ~Chapter 19, Fight Club

Sacrifice

Just one thing...



Marami narin akong sinakripisyo para sa napili kong propesyon...

not just for myself, but because I know this is my purpose.



ang sakin lang...



bakit parang sa iba...



they half-ass it... but they still get away with things?